Translate the odd bird

This is me! And you may want to remember this when you ask what I'm thinking!

When I was a kid, just like any other kid, I wanted to be everything: a doctor, a musician, a designer, a journalist, even a writer. It was so easy back then; nobody required anything of you, there was no pressure and you just couldn’t wait to experiment with all the hobbies you could find. Then came the end of high school and there I stood, without a dream job, surrounded by people who seemed to shape that dream while I was preoccupied by teenage dramas and insecurities. That one was one of the hardest years ever. Then I picked one old old love, that was the love for foreign languages. And I said, Law is not for me, Medicine is something I didn’t prepare for in high school, I’m not that big of a drawer, although I’m not a total wreck either, I’m not into these micro-specialties (as I call them), like marketing, PR, social studies, European Studies etc. Well, I would be a Continue reading “Translate the odd bird”

The beauty of doing things for yourself

fashion, design, blue, dress, hair, inspiration, pretty, makeup, cosmetics, pencil, ink, paint,Yesterday I ran into my …I don’t know if it exists in English, but here, we have a teacher whose primary concern is a class that tha teacher or the head-master picks, every four years. If that class gets in trouble, it will be, first of all that teacher’s fault for not telling the class how to behave better. It’s the teacher that yells at the class or at you if you or the entire class did something bad, it is that teacher which delivers those long speeches about what’s good or bad to you and your classmates and the one lectures the class after something goes wrong. Something like a tutor, but most likely a teacher that teaches to that class as well.

Well, I ran into that person yesterday while at the supermarket and I was like “Don’t be rude, say hello” and I did. Turns out her younger daughter knew who I was,although my contact with her was minimal in the past 7 years, but that woman didn’t have the slightest clue about who I was. It’s like I was a complete stranger to, although I went Christmas caroling to her house every year with my class, I was one of the great students in her class and I kind of thought I would be remembered. Guess what, it Continue reading “The beauty of doing things for yourself”

Does everybody break up this fall?

As usually, coming back from home means, you meet again with everybody. Classmates, classmates that became your friends, classmates that are on train of becoming your friends, all have stories to tell, myself included. Did quite some traveling this summer, and naturally, at my age, I find myself often caught between the desire of doing my job (that is, going to classes, for now) and grabbing a backpack and taking a long leap of absence, for as long as my conscience would allow me to skip what’s due for me now, that is my final exam, my final paper and ultimately that wonderful piece of paper that tells me I am superior to someone who didn’t go to college, but God knows how or when. Reasons to almost freak out.

But going back to stories from our holiday. I am at an age, I find, when slowly everybody settles down with somebody. I don’t mean in a “moving-in-together-soon-getting-married” sort of way, but rather, I find myself looking around me while waiting for a class to begin and I see girls hanging out with boys, then gradually, a girl kisses one of the boys she’s with in the first situation, then boom, guess what? they have been together for four years now and yeah, they are getting married …kind of settling down situation. I have classmates that have been in a relationship with their significant other for more than 3 years, I have classmates that already got married. Yesterday I saw an old room-mate of mine that just got married and is pregnant with her first baby, at 21. You think it’s crazy, but it’s happening. This is the time when you have all the fun in the world on the one hand, but secretly look for someone to settle with, a secret wish, on the other hand.

Don’t get yourself fooled, though, cause it’s not just fun and games. What got me thinking these past few days, apart from my pregnant ex-room mate, is the number or people that actually break up this time of the year. It makes me sad just to think about it. You spend an year seeing people go in relationships on facebook, growing every day and then there’s that message from your friend that says “you know, me and my boyfriend are a done deal”. It’s troubling when you truly care about someone’s well being, even though I am in a relationship, per se.

I often find myself in an awkward position, after yet another friend breaking up with their significant other. Wow, you were so amazing, you seemed to get along just fine, like you had the world at your feet and then baaam, it’s over. She is crying, he is mad somewhere, everything is messy and certain topics become awkward topics, just because in a way, it’s cruel to talk about your personal life with someone who just had theirs shattered to tiny tiny pieces. At least that’s how I see it, some other girls would not stop blabbing about their awesome boyfriend, awesome life, awesome everything. Wanted to punch some of those specimens in the face once or twice in the past, so I know from experience that I don’t want to become that queen bee, but a queen bee that is supportive. How? I haven’t figured it out yet. I would rather be alone after breaking up, rather than have anybody ask me everything to the smallest detail I don’t want to share cause it’s a personal, painful detail. Some like to spill everything to the smallest detail, like it is some sort of retribution for every painful tear that crossed the cheek and every time you waited for that stupid phone to ring, and to be his name on the screen, so you could hear his voice and he would say all those nice things and how truly sorry he is and how he wants you back into his life. But that never happens, cause once the girl is out of a relationship, it’s like you slighted your ex’s ego forever. No way you are going back to what you had ever again. And as soon as you realize what I just said, it’s like taking a really awful tasting pill: it tastes like crap while it’s on your tongue, but after you swallow it, there will soon be no trace of it ever entering your mouth.

Making someone realize that is hard and painful for the person, so most of the time I hide under the “It’s probably none of my business sign” and tackle but the surface of the problem, hoping that they are going to come to my same conclusion on their own, just like I do it. Plus, saying just the right thing is difficult sometimes, cause sometimes there are no friends’ words curing you better than a sad song.

Maybe it’s just me, but if it’s not, then tell me about how you dealt with this idea of your friend’s breakup and how it affected your relationship with her. Maybe you’ll teach me some tips, you never know.

Best friends or believing in the Tooth Fairy?

I started watching a new series yesterday, The Mindy project  and just like in any other series that centers on a heroine, and not a hero, there is this classic cliché of the heroine having a best friend with whom she shares everything. It was not the only series in which I saw this going on, frankly, I can’t find a series in which the heroine is best-friend-less. And I thought…is it really that good in real life and I am just missing out on the fun? Everyone has their girl soulmate?
Continue reading “Best friends or believing in the Tooth Fairy?”

Today I like: Sainee Parinoush – The Book of Fate

I found this book in newsletters from Romanian online booksellers about a year ago, but never truly got to reading it, because most of the time I had doubts about whether the book is worth reading or not. I find myself often running into crappy books that are simply too strange to be readable from one cover to the other. I was amazed when I realized that before getting the Game of Thrones collection from my boyfriend, I haven’t bought any books for pleasure in over two years.  Now I would rather browse the internet ’till the end of time, looking for a free epub version of the books I would be tempted to read. At least there are no hard feelings if the book is Continue reading “Today I like: Sainee Parinoush – The Book of Fate”

On graduation. Premature thoughts.

 

There are some days in which things look gloomy, days in which everything seems grey and all I’m supposed to do doesn’t happen in just a day. There are days in which I want to succeed in just a day, to know exactly what is going to happen, step by step, so I could do it better when I am supposed to do it. What I sometimes forget is that everything that is life altering never happens when I plan it. These are the events that have a way of their own, that are worth remembering and worth living, the things I know deep down that are going to make my life memorable. But don’t we all sometimes want to just Continue reading “On graduation. Premature thoughts.”

Second opinions?

Well well well…Let’s just say today my fingers have been tingling , eager to write, but I found myself without any ideas. Then I turned to The Daily post, and they had a rather interesting question today about seconds opinions in general, on what aspects do I like to get second opinions when I am not certain of something and inevitably, who are the people to which I turn to get those confirmations I so desperately need.

Personally, I am not the second opinion type, but mostly the one that gives a second opinion. When I read the question, the first thing that popped into my mind was shopping. Usually, when I go shopping with a friend, I am the one that that friend has to drag through all the shops. Depending on how annoying that person gets if she doesn’t find what she’s looking for, this dragging process is rather enjoying, cause you never know what you might find in a stroll through the shopping mall. I enjoy being dragged (well, that came out weird) and I consider myself one of the most patient specimens when it comes both to looking for what I want and giving opinions on certain outfits (even if at some point they are countless, with no satisfying results) that my friends try on.

When it comes to me doing the shopping, I am dragging my mother. I do not like to go shopping with my friends, because most of them ,after one shop or two lose interest, and then they start approving your outfit even if it looks awful on you, just so they can get this shopping thing over with. And I hate it. First of all, because in a way it is a sign they do not care too much about what I look like and second of all because I usually go shopping with a certain vision in my head.

This vision from my head sometimes is hard to find.

Then, I see something that might work, but still, paranoia sets in immediately. What if I am gonna go in the next shop and there is where I am going to find my vision hanging and then I am gonna get stuck with something that is not my vision?

So I browse in all the shops on a certain area, to make sure the vision doesn’t escape me, if she’s out there.

And then I most often settle for the thing that might work, cause after my legs are sore and I have tried on a bunch of clothes that looked awful, that choice was perfect after all.

Some friends don’t understand it and they lack the patience. Even my mother lacks the patience, because with the passing time, it takes less and less to make her lose her patience with me, and decide she’s gonna return home because she doesn’t stand the endless browsing anymore. What I like about my mother, though, is the fact that she is always honest with me about clothes. If she hates it, she’s gonna say it out loud. The same thing if something doesn’t fit right, like jeans, tank tops and dresses. If the heels I intend to buy are too high for me, she is gonna be there saying that after less than an hour I will be shoe-less, with knives in my legs, begging for a pair of flats like a man lost in the middle of the desert begs for water and then I am definitely not gonna wear that pair of shoes for a really really long time. And I appreciate it, because that sort of behavior gives me an efficient wardrobe, filled with all the things that fit right, that are right for me.

Now, leaving shopping aside, my parents are the main advisors when it comes to life issues. People outside the people who know me since I was the size of a nugget tend to be judgmental, gossipy and on no account reliable. They most of the time don’t know how to keep their mouth shut when I want it shut and sometimes people take advantage of your weak periods, so they can use information against you, when you least expected. Paranoid much? you might ask, but trust me, experience taught me to pick very carefully the people in which I could trust. Which makes it hard to go around ask people what they think about this and that. Sometimes it’s better to just trust your own gut.

Now tell me, what are the persons  you go to ask for second opinions? Can’t wait to read all about it!

Grow up, they said. It would be fun, they said.

Hello, lovelies!

My second year at the University of Letters is finally at its ends and God, I enjoy my holiday. You see, it’s in Italy, and after hard work there comes complete relaxation and detachment from everything that means notes, books, highlighters and hours spent locked in a library room, surrounded by people who seem to have it better than you do. I’m done with feeling stressed and with being far from home unvoluntarily.

And then again, soon comes my senior year and then there goes life. Looking for a job. Sustaining life on my own, preferably my own. And that is scary as fuck, cause nobody is gonna tell you what you are supposed to do, how you are supposed to take this swarm of information coming your way. It’s like an invasion, an invasion of your confort zone and you must come out of there and you must fight, but while you do that, all you held dear and familiar will slowly change rapidly, radically. Yeah, you won’t die due to growing up, but in a way, nothing is going to be the same again. It was the same way when you passed from childhood ( oh, you blessed state) to teenage life, but in a way looking back it’s not something I really cared to notice. Yes, it was hard, but afterwards I managed to get a hang of it. It was kind of going with the flow while sticking to your own raft.

But now? What do I do now?

It might seem crazy to your foreign ears, but Romania is a strange place. Not that I intend to stay here, but let’s just say I might want to get some work experience first, before moving elsewhere. Here, there is this crap that nobody will hire you if you don’t do extra stuff. If you do extra stuff, nobody cares if you fail exams, just cause you do extra stuff. In fact, at that time nothing differentiates you from a notorious drunkard who spends more time hangovered after some party that he cannot remember. Which is sad, since they are trying to sell you this beautiful idea that you are important cause you are working for some students organization that doesn’t do any crap for you in particular (or anybody as a mass for that matter). I never quite understood why there must be so much blah blah blah and no immediate action. But anyways, to be successful at what you are doing you must pass your exams. In order to be respected, let’s say, those grades better be good. You are an example after all. You graduate from the university and then you see that your high grades were nothing compared to some dudes’ wonderful capacity of doing nothin, partying on the Uni’s money or students’ money, while you spent hours studying. Well, not nothing, but if you and Slacker here go to the same interview odds are he’ll get hired and not you. Why? ‘Cause you dont’t have any experience, doooh! Isn’t that ironic!

To top that up, everybody cannot believe you have dreams in such a materialistic world. Everybody would tell you otherwise, would swear that it is wonderful that you have dreams and that you should pursue them, while sending their own offsprings to Med school or other Universities of the sort, cause that is the way one is supposed to succeed in life. It’s hard, then it gets easier, they say, and then loads of money will come your way, tied to unicorns and angels will sing sweet songs to you, while dumbasses like me sweep floors somewhere, since we dared to break that precious rule. Because I want to become a translator, which is even more challenging than an impossible mission. More like a lost cause. And everybody looks at you skeptically, cause there ain’t no clear path for this career, and it’s hard, and who would want to be burried in paper they need to translate all day everyday? Me. And who would say no to a conventional job just for a tint of adventure, for a taste of the unexpected? Well, me. And everybody tells me I should settle: settle on the idea that I shall be nothing but an English teacher, and that I should be grateful, in this world of people doing jobs that are below their rank, grateful that I can work in my field. I should settle: who doesn’t know French?! I should settle: once I made my choice for this faculty, cause I have this gift for foreign languages, I cannot change, I cannot learn something new, challenge new limits and I am doomed.

And rarely, someone is telling you something encouraging. Not even your parents, that , after doing crappy jobs all their life, have lost their sense of enthusiasm. And it is terrifying in a way and gives you a purpose at the samd time. I am gonna prove them wrong, I am gonna make my dreams come true and we’ll see who’ll get the last laugh. That is what we all say.

True. We’ll see what will happen. Meanwhile, I shall enjoy the years left before I need to make life-changing decisions, thinking through every decision I need to make before those , so I don’t screw everything up.

Is there anybody else here terrified of growing up?