Is it really?

I have many friends that are in a relationship who constantly request things from their boyfriends. It’s Valentine’s Day, buy me flowers, buy me chocolates, buy me a fluffy teddy bear and a mountain of red balloons, so I can validate the love you actually feel for me. If you don’t do anything of the above, then you might as well go fuck yourself, cause you ain’t getting any booty, at least not for the following week, cause I’m pissed. Honestly, I’m pissed that I didn’t have anything to post on facebook, so that my friends could consequently validate our love as real and consistent. It’s all about validation. If they don’t receive gifts on a constant basis, then they start panicking that their partner doesn’t care for them anymore, when in fact they should be worried about not exchanging anything with their partner, not even a decent conversation, let alone bodily fluids. Some are satisfied with this simple reality: as long as there is jewelry and flowers and expensive perfumes and/ clothes and stuff, then love exists.

Men are not like that. Some men, those who are truly interested in you and truly want to make you happy from time to time, don’t see the necessity of making gifts all the time. Gifts between partners should have meaning, they should be special; you don’t just go into a shop and you buy a generic gift just so you skip the awful fight that you know it’s gonna happen if you show up home without one. Men are more calculated, and I’m not referring to the perfect partners for the materialistic sort described above, no, I refer to those men that are head over hills in love with their girlfriend and want to keep it charming when it comes to gifts, not turn it into an obligation. They love surprising their girlfriends, because they like that smile on her face when she unwraps a box, looks inside and suddenly lights up like Aww, that’s exactly what I wanted, it’s so sweet! or Aww, you remembered that one time when we went to the mountains and I wanted …. .And isn’t that what we all want, our men to be considerate, and to show from time to time that they know the real us and that they appreciate us?

But hey, it’s all fun and games until you insert expectations into everything. Yes, sir, those moments when you mindlessly browse on Pinterest or you walk by shops and you see things and because they are arranged right and they do their job, you suddenly think they are just meant for you. When you know you don’t use more than 2 perfumes, at most, but you’d still like a third one, just for the sake of seeing it evaporate on your make up thingie where you keep the perfumes. When you look on facebook and you see, oh, roses, but then again, your boyfriend is far away from you and you know that he would buy you all the roses in the world, except he’s not there, and the delivery guy isn’t calling at your door right that second with the said bunch of roses and you just feel shitty, and it’s not your boyfriend’s fault that the roses aren’t there, because, guess what, he cannot read minds and sometimes he is really incapable of giving you everything you wanted when you wanted it, because he’s not always there, and it’s not the right time or damn, he doesn’t know how you feel, because as I said, he can’t get into your brain.

What’s bad about expectations is the fact that most of the time you don’t come up with them, using your own brain, but it’s facebook that imposes them on you, like Why, she got flowers and I don’t? or She got to go to Bora Bora with her boyfriend, while I’m in over my head in studying and well…I didn’t really want to go to Bora Bora, because that’s not my priority now? or Oh, she went with her boyfriend to do this and do that. Don’t I deserve the same thing? That one last question that just ruins perfectly good memories, because you know you’re not like those you see all over facebook, because you know that you and your boyfriend are not like that, and you laugh at those who are, knowing that, perhaps, if Valentine’s hadn’t come, that relationship would have fallen apart, because there are serious issues behind that ring and those roses and you know that what you see is the effort of one partner to conceal some issues, to keep appearances while saving a sinking ship, if possible.

Would you actually want upon your engagement announcement that your girlfriend wrote as an answer to an acquaintance that if he proposed, then she might as well have had to say yes, because what else could she have said?

And I am guilty of it, because sometimes the spoiled brat that resides inside me reclaims its wrongful rights. It’s wrong, it doesn’t have any healthy motivation in it. Sometimes I am incapable of fulfilling my own whims, so it’s easier to project it on those closest to me. Bad girl, really really bad !

Sometimes it’s better to keep expectations out of a perfectly good relationship and just go with the flow, and stop thinking about what others do or want. If they were so great at what they did with each other , they wouldn’t break up that often and every relationship is unique and that bla bla we find hard to believe sometimes.

Now tell me, am I wrong or am I right? Do you relate, or I’m a lonely bird in this one?

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4 thoughts on “Is it really?

  1. Shannon

    I don’t think you’re a lonely bird in this one, at all.

    I’m in a long distance relationship, which, all on its own is incredibly difficult. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world, though, and I’m determined to see us succeed as a couple. If I brought any extra expectations into the mix, I feel like that would be undue pressure on top of an already difficult situation!

    Besides, I’m not the kind of person that ever wants anyone to do anything out of a sense of obligation. I’d hate to think that my boyfriend bought me a gift just to avoid having a fight because he didn’t. It would render the gift far, far less meaningful than some little thing that he might have done of his own free will, for no apparent reason.

    • Myriam

      I understand you in that one. As I said, I’m in a long relationship as well and as you said, I am determined to make it work myself, because I really feel like he’s my guy and nobody could fill that space as better as he does, not even if he were always with me.

      I am a fan of small things myself, so imagine that I like the small things I receive from him, so we giggle after I open them and I’m like : ” oh no you didn’t” in a really playful way. It makes my heart warm. Honestly, if I were to be the girl whose partner would give her gifts just for the sake of having sex more, than I would probably return the gift instantly. If he wouldn’t receive it first hand, I would throw it away, although perhaps I’ll feel sorry for the object. It’s not a fluffy teddy bear’s fault that the man who bought him is faulty,, right?

        • Myriam

          They are so cute and fluffy. Why take it on the bear…let him rot in a dumpster with all those unfriendly images around him? That would be 100 times meaner than what the ex did to you. Poor poor bear 😦

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