I started watching a new series yesterday, The Mindy project and just like in any other series that centers on a heroine, and not a hero, there is this classic cliché of the heroine having a best friend with whom she shares everything. It was not the only series in which I saw this going on, frankly, I can’t find a series in which the heroine is best-friend-less. And I thought…is it really that good in real life and I am just missing out on the fun? Everyone has their girl soulmate?
I have had girl friends with whom I have gotten close, to the point in which they know what I do every day, what I like, what I dislike, girls with whom I managed to reach that point in which I could philosophy till dawn about life, guys, family etc and they would not hang up on me, nor fall asleep on the phone. As you notice, I used the past tense, because nobody survived up until now. Everybody lies, says Dr House, I say everybody leaves at some point. I have in mind a quote I found in the book I read these past days, which states that people don’t want us for ourselves, but for themselves. That is harsh, I know, but honestly, people pick sides after a while. It’s like when you go to the airport, and you befriend someone while waiting in line at security and then you think that it’s gonna last forever, you’ll exchange phone numbers on the plane, and sit next to each other, but after a while, that person tells you that they are not going to be on the same plane as you, but on a plane that is gonna take them to a whole different place. You’ll end your conversation with It’s been nice talking to you and then it’s over. You are there, at the gate, all alone, surrounded by people who mind their own lives and don’t mind you hanging there. That is how it always ends: it’s been nice, but now we must go our separate ways.
I thought for a while that there was something wrong with me, so I started focusing on my relationships with people. I thought I need to be warmer, to be kinder, so people would trust me. People trust me. They tell me semi-private-compromising things and they ask for my advice, then they continue with their activities, they go to different people, ask them the same thing, then they do what they wanted to do anyways. Maybe people are not so exclusive anymore, meaning a girl can have several friends and consider them all best friends, and tell them all the same things, but not care for each of them in the same way. It happens on facebook a lot, where you would see a picture of six girls in a club, and they would tag the picture with besties , but if one of them were to do something bad or say something wrong, they would eject her from their clique just like you eject a disk from the cd-rom of your laptop. Quick, no more explanations needed. You messed up, now die a slow painful social death.
You might say that is a legitimate solution for a legitimate problem, but if someone were to be your best friend, you don’t just erase them from your life like you would erase a bad picture from your computer. If it’s truly your best friend we’re talking about, then you discuss the issue, cause on both sides people must have certain feelings for each other. If I were to fight with my best friend over something bad, I would be heartbroken, but after a while, I would seek contact, I would want to settle things down, because I miss calling that person, hanging out etc. I am not the kind to hold anger for more then a couple of hours. It doesn’t matter if I have just one friend or five that share the same best friend category, I would still miss that person, cause that person cannot be replaced.
But apparently people don’t care so much about tags and probably that’s why friendships have become so fickle. You get close to a friend of yours because she is your college dorm mate, you share classes together and she takes better notes, because she paid for your tequilla shots in the club when you ran out of money, and she didn’t want to hear about getting those money back etc. After all, even best friends fulfill a purpose, and after you accomplish your mission, you are good to go. If you are a pragmatic and sad enough to admit it.
If not, you still wait for that person with whom you could have a permanent contract. Like your dream job, something in which you invest a lot without fearing that someday your company is gonna let you go. I crave sometimes for something tangible , real and deep. It is fun, indeed, to jump from one person to another, but there are moments when you want honest advice, a warm hug, gossiping about boys and other people’s relationships, etc, something you can’t just get with just anyone.I don’t want something like in Sex in the City, a person with whom I could talk about my sex life and a person who is willing to put my diafragm in place when it’s stuck down there, but someone with whom I could really talk. Found it in college, lost my trust in it in college. God knows what’s gonna happen until I graduate.
Friendship is like a rollercoaster, but until I get a ticket to go on that ride, I shall watch and accept the clichés I see in movies, where even the weirdest of us have their counterparts. Maybe someday I will have someone to stand next to me at my wedding, hold my dress while I pee and pull my hair while I vomit all the alcohol I drank during the night. If I were to be really greedy, I would want someone to come over to my place when I am feeling down, with wine and chocolate (cause they know me so well) and get drunk with me with no reason to celebrate. Lucky those who have them already, as for me…I ain’t giving up hope!