Nation wants you ass-ed and titty-ed

I was thinking today, while walking home from a really awful exam,in a boiling hot weather, with my dress soaking wet and my headthatfunnyblog:Funny Stuff you like? twisting about these things women think are appropriate to be when interacting with men.

Maybe “appropriate” is a bad word, maybe I should call it a “must”, but quite frankly, I can’t help myself but write:

What is it that makes a woman beautiful? Is it her legs? Is it her tits, or her ass? Is it in her smile, or in her eyes, or in her cheeks, or in her really long hair? Maybe the hair it’s short? Isn’t that somehow…beautiful?

Well, contrary to popular belief, I think that all these things and none make a woman beautiful. I myself belonging to the said gender, I don’t think a person should be cataloged by a small part of their physical appearance, although maybe that is what makes a certain person different. Different can be beautiful, but it is wrong to equate the two, because beauty is a spark…you either see it or you don’t, it is still there. And maybe because we sometimes run into the people who don’t, we do things to ourselves that we shouldn’t. We crave for that. We crave to be seen and appreciated.

But instead of asking for more, we settle for less. We settle for butchering our bodies, starving ourselves to death, plus the entire set of disorders that go so well with that and makes it even more distructive, behind the “quick and efficient” tag. We buy expensive clothes and play obscene amounts of money for things we could do ourselves at home. Just for the sake of the “beautiful”. And some indeed, are beautiful, with make-up on their face, heels for shoes and an outfit matching perfectly the last spring casual clothing collection. Oh, I didn’t say spark? Oh well…

We judge. We judge all the time . We think ourselves the center of the universe and sometimes forget to be a little more tolerant with each other. I’m not saying to each other struggles, because that’s pathetic. It’s like I’m here, laptop in my lap, crying out for attention, like “Oh, God, I am so vulnerable right now”. Nobody gives a crap. And I am perfectly fine. I’m just saying this whole idea of beauty has become rather a construct and less an actual unique thing. It is as a scheme I already wrote down about five lines above this one, but where does that leave your feminity ? Your…you?

Last night I was horrified to watch some national celebrity’s photo. The blond dumb kind, although now she’s become a brunette. Long story short, she was horrifying before, because she was big, scary and dumb, but after some visits to the surgeon, she became at the present moment even…creepier. On a beach, in a swimming suit I saw a deformed creature, with cow lips, the waist as small as my two arms and half put together vertically  and her hip-bone looking out through her skin a lot like something you would see in an anatomy book.  And my thought was…what man would actually hold that?(since I started with men) One must be demented and with a clear fetish for skeletons. Interesting direction the men are walking towards to.

It’s time to drink something.

Done.

Now, girls, please drop the last piece of watermelon you were having now, the last piece of the watermelon that made up the entire food you ingurgitated today,while telling to yourselves  that this was the way to get a man to like you and eventually fuck you, something you really want to happen soon. Look at yourself. Do you feel your ribs and hip-bone while you sleep? Do your breasts feel really small and flabby, and obviously shapeless? Does your face look as if it had been aspirated by the devil in your sleep ? Well, go fill up your fridge with actual food which actually tastes like it and eat normally. You know why? Because men in general do not fuck skeletons. Because it’s messed up, you see? We are taught that’s not ok (I think). And even though these men you look up to walk around with blond, dumb human hangers, they would never…ever…EVER say no to some thigh and some ass. Never. And I think that’s why you have trouble with your boyfriend staring at other female’s heritage. Now that’s a groundbreaking discovery!

I see girls looking at my ass like “Oh, girl, I see some bunch going on there.” Yes, it is. It shall always be like that because that’s how my body was designed by nature. And sometimes I hate it, but sometimes, I see it as something that makes me…myself. My body, in a way, is a whole and yes, I want to lose some pounds  I gained during the winter from that bunch (and never find it again) to rock that swimming suit, but it doesn’t mean that by chopping it off or starving myself I will be a better self. I would be a bad and grumpy self.  I would be an incomplete self. And it took me quite some time to embrace it and it takes me a second to forget about it. Now it’s true though. Take advantage while it’s in sight.

Because men like women that shine when they smile, and look hot in the morning, with the hair in a mess and no makeup on. No cliché intended. Men really like fleshy bodies, not realistic looking hip-bones on actual women. They like to grab. Stop imitating Barbie, she is made of plastic. Stop accepting being objectified and start accepting what you deserve, not what you think you deserve, Goddammit.

And the next time you rock a skirt, nail that freakin’ skirt if you look at yourself in the mirror and you love what you see there.You know why? Because that’s what makes you beautiful. And put some ass in that skirt . The male audience will be very grateful, promise.

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